To Hell and Back
by Ranowa Hikura
Summary: My 'Gone' sequel! Casey is back from Witness Protection and spiraling deeper into depression, though she won't let Olivia help her. When something forces her to consider life without Olivia, Casey makes a decision that will change both their lives.
1. Chapter 1

Hello, people! I'm back with one of my already pre-written fics, so I can update daily! Weeeeeeeeeee! And I don't remember who it was, but somebody wanted this sequel to use the fact that Casey and Olivia can now get legally married in New York. Unfortunately, I already had an idea for this fic and liked it too much to kill it, so this fic is basically going to have two major parts- part one is my idea, part two is where I use the other person's wishes, which, by the way, also included a kid to add to the mix. So just suffer through my dramatic abusing of Dick Wolf's characters for a little bit, then watch them have some fun!

**Chapter 1**

Casey Novak had officially been back in New York for three months. She was back at her job as sex crimes ADA and, to everybody except Elliot and Olivia, everything was back to normal, except Casey had more war stories to tell now. Only Elliot and Olivia knew the secret about the real reason she went into witness protection. Only Elliot and Olivia knew about her dead child.

If you asked Casey, everything was normal. Everything was absolutely, perfectly normal. Her rape and pregnancy were all in the past and had nothing to do with the present.

If you asked Olivia, nothing was normal at all. If Casey was lucky, the ADA got as much as three hours of sleep a night. At first, she had only been able to sleep if every light was on, which meant Olivia couldn't sleep. Now, however, with Olivia's help, Casey was able to sleep with the door to the bedroom shut and locked with something like a cell phone emitting light next to the bed. Casey would never admit to be afraid of the dark- she thought it was childish and weak, and everything she did nowadays was to prove that she was strong enough. No matter how much Olivia assured her it was all right to not be invincible, that it was okay to cry, Casey always shook her head and maintained that she was fine.

Olivia was doing her best to keep a limit on her girlfriend's alcohol habit, but the truth was, she couldn't stop Casey from getting drunk because she wasn't with her every second of every day. Still, that wasn't a very big problem, as she had only started drinking upon her return to New York- after all, in her time in the witness protection program, she'd been pregnant and thus, unable to drink. But Olivia would rather Casey have found solace in a bottle then where she _did_ find it- a cold knife slicing into her even colder skin.

At night, Olivia would often trace the scars that had not been there before Casey had 'died'. Some were from the rape, some were from the car accident. Many others were ones Casey had made herself. Olivia had yet to actually _witness_ Casey hurting herself, but the fact that fresh cuts kept showing up on her pale skin was proof that she hadn't stopped. They were never very deep or long, but Olivia didn't like it all. She had tried to talk to Casey about it, but always, her responses were the same- 'I tripped, I fell off my bike, I cut myself making breakfast', anything other than, 'I hurt myself'.

It wasn't like Casey thought Olivia would be angry- at least, that's what the detective thought. It was more like the ADA was afraid of being seen as weak- it all came back to that one point, Casey absolutely refused to admit she was anything less then fine.

And then, there was the issue of Casey's daughter. More than anything, Olivia wanted to ask her if she had loved her baby, if Casey missed her daughter or if she had wanted her baby to die. Olivia wanted to know that her own mother really had loved her, that it had just been the rape that made her spiral out of control, and not giving birth to her rapist's child. But the baby was something Casey never mentioned. Many times, after she had woken up screaming, Olivia would get her to start talking about the rape before she shut down again. But Casey hadn't brought up the subject and Olivia wasn't sure how to do it on her own.

"Hey, baby," Olivia said as she walked into her apartment, which she now shared with Casey. "How was work?" she asked before kissing her on the cheek.

"Wonderful," Casey said, raising her beer in greeting and smiling at her. Olivia frowned in disapproval before deciding to let it go. There was nothing wrong with the occasional drink. There was nothing wrong with Casey drinking every day unless it didn't get out of hand... right?

Shaking her head, Olivia sat down next to Casey as the ADA slung an arm around her shoulders and asked, "And what did you do down at the unholy headquarters of sex crimes? God, just _picturing_ you and Elliot having sex- or me and Munch- that constitutes a sex crime! Gah!" Casey shuddered at the thought and Olivia laughed again. As traumatized as Casey was by her rape, Olivia still loved having her girlfriend back in New York.

"Oh, I know. The only people I like picturing together are you and me." Olivia cuddled up against her girlfriend and kissed her again. "But today was actually... well, not good, but... different. We didn't have a rape victim or abused child, for once. So that's good. We had a self-abortion case."

Olivia felt Casey stiffen in her arms and immediately regretted bringing up. Casey blew out a breath of air through pursed lips and sighed, crossing her arms and shaking her head. "Casey? What's wrong?" Olivia asked, even though she had a pretty good idea... she really, _really_ wanted to have this discussion with Casey, though she had absolutely no idea how to bring it up without offending Casey.

The ADA sighed unhappily and didn't say anything for a minute. Olivia thought she had abandoned the conversation when Casey finally spoke up. "It's... in two days, I would of... I was supposed to give birth to my daughter in two days."

Olivia froze, instantly wishing she hadn't said anything. "Oh! Oh, Casey, I... I didn't know. I'm sorry, I thought-"

"It's fine," Casey insisted coldly as she hid her face in Olivia's shoulder. With a sigh, the detective tightened her hold on the young ADA. Part of her was screaming to drop the subject and never bring it up again... but another part of her knew this was probably as close as she would ever get to asking the question that had been at the back of her mind for the past three months and to just go ahead and do it.

"Casey, I..." she started off delicately, trying to find a way to phrase it right. "Your, uh... the baby. Did you... did you love her? Or were you happy when you miscarried?"

The ADA stared at her hands, trying to figure out a way to respond. "I did love my daughter, Liv. I still do, even though..." she trailed off, swallowing the hard lump in her throat before continuing. "I...I was considering adoption, though. Don't get me wrong, I wanted that kid so much, it would of killed me to give her up- but I was worried I wouldn't make a good mother. And I didn't want to give birth to a child in witness protection- I had no way of knowing how long it would be before I could come home, and I didn't want to make my daughter live a lie for... well, her entire life. And... well, you, Olivia. I remembered the things you told me about your mother and how abusive she was. And it wasn't like I was at my best back then... I was terrified I would become like your mother. But I didn't want an abortion... I probably would of given her up for adoption, if I hadn't lost her..."

Olivia hugged Casey tighter, yet sighed in relief, as if a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders. Despite everything Serena Benson had done to her, she had still loved her daughter. And all the abuse really hadn't been her fault; she couldn't have stopped her mother from spiraling downwards into an alcohol-induced depression.

Casey frowned slightly, then pulled back from Olivia and looked her in the eye, somehow knowing what she was thinking. "Olivia, I thought I already told you that what your mother did to you wasn't your fault. Stop blaming yourself."

Olivia blushed and looked away. "How is it you always know exactly what I'm thinking?"

The ADA laughed as she embraced Olivia again. "There's a class for it at Harvard Law... Liv, I... I lied." Olivia hesitated but let her talk without interruptions, frowning in confusion. "About the baby. I, uh... I know I said that it was the car crash that caused the miscarriage. It... it was sort of the other way around- the miscarriage caused the crash." Casey sighed, then pulled back from Olivia so she could look her in the eye. "My class had had a discussion on abortion that day. One of my students- the one I told you about, the bitch- basically... she basically called me a whore and said it was my fault I got pregnant. Well, not to _me_, directly, but still... after work, I just started driving, and I kept thinking about what she said. Suddenly, my stomach started to hurt... really bad. That's what caused the crash. The doctor said that I miscarried because of stress, not because of the crash... because I was fuckin stupid enough to listen to that little kid..."

Olivia immediately reached for the broken woman, pulling her into her arms. "Casey, stop saying it's your fault," she commanded as the ADA rested her head on Olivia's shoulder. "It's not."

The few stories Casey had told Olivia about students made her sick to her stomach. She couldn't believe the actually thought it could be the rape victim's fault, under any circumstances. What made it worse was that Casey had to listen to them practically telling her it was fault every day for six months. No wonder the ADA had trouble believing her when she insisted it wasn't her fault.

She sighed, shaking her head sadly. All she could focus on now was that Casey was back in New York; that she wasn't alone down in LA anymore. Olivia knew if Casey was able to tell any of the others the whole truth about witness protection, they would have agreed with Olivia and said it wasn't the ADA's fault- but Casey still said she didn't want any of them to know. Her boss knew because the FBI had contacted him first about Casey's return, to ask about her job, and now Branch knew everything. But Casey really didn't care about Arthur Branch's opinion, and she didn't seem to listen to Elliot or Olivia when they tried to ease her guilt.

With a forced smile, Casey abruptly changed the subject and said, "So, what happened with Elliot and IAB today? They didn't suspend him or anything, did they?"

Olivia hesitated, then decided to let up on Casey for the time being. "No, no, he's still at work, beating up suspects by throwing tables at them. Lucky you, because he still owes you that favor from the Lee case. Maybe you can convince him to ask Cragen if he can give me the day off."

Casey chuckled and raised an eyebrow at her. "Really? Now why would I waste this perfectly good favor on a day off for my fantastic girlfriend? Why wouldn't I extort money or coffee from him for myself instead?"

"Well," Olivia said as she wrapped an arm around Casey's shoulders, "If I had the day off and you took a sick day or something, then we could spend the day together. We haven't been able to have a real date in three weeks because we keep getting interrupted by work."

"A date? With you all to myself? Hmm... now that _is_ tempting," she said lightly and kissed Olivia.

Last year, if Olivia and Casey managed to have an uninterrupted date, it would normally be followed by sex. Now, Casey hadn't brought up the topic and Olivia hadn't asked. She knew- or rather, hoped- that Casey would tell her when she was ready and Olivia didn't want to push it. However, she knew there was always the chance that Casey would try to say that she was ready to have sex even when she wasn't, just to try and prove that she was okay.

Olivia traced the many scars on Casey's arm, grimacing when she saw a fresh one. The ADA had tried to hide it with makeup, but she hadn't done too good a job. "Casey..." she started off, "please... can you just tell me why you keep cutting yourself?"

Casey feigned ignorance. "I don't know what you're-"

Olivia held up Casey's arm, pointing at the scratch and shaking her head. Casey blinked in surprise, then crossed her arms tightly to hide the cut and glared at Olivia. "It's nothing."

"Casey-"

"I said it's nothing, Olivia! Let it go!" Casey tried to stand up and move away from her girlfriend, but Olivia pulled her back down and shook her head unhappily.

"Casey, it is not nothing! I've tried to just let you handle it and stop, but it's clearly not working!"

Casey yanked her arm from Olivia's grasp and almost shouted, "That's because I don't have a god damn problem! It's not like I'm some emo kid who thinks cutting is cool or something, and it makes me feel better!"

"Really?" Olivia demanded, getting to her feet. "Really? Sticking a knife in your arm makes you feel better? Because I don't see how cutting yourself up makes you feel better at all!"

Casey raised her hand to slap Olivia, but the detective grabbed her wrist in mid air and shouted, "Slapping me won't change anything, Casey!"

"Shut up, Olivia! Shut up shut up shut up! You don't know what the hell you're talking about!"

"Well, clearly you don't either! Because I fail to see you cutting yourself makes you feel better!" Olivia shouted as she let go of Casey's wrist.

It was the wrong thing to do. Casey finally snapped and punched Olivia in the face. Before she knew what was happening, Olivia had tackled Casey to the ground and the two were kicking and hitting each other as hard as they could. Casey shouted in pain when Olivia jacked her arm behind her back and retaliated by biting Olivia's free hand. The detective immediately released her and yanked her hand back, giving Casey the opportunity to punch her again, this time in the stomach.

The two struggled on the floor until Casey's kick missed and she cracked the coffee table's glass top. They both froze, Olivia still pinning Casey to the floor and Casey's foot a hair's breath away from hitting Olivia's head, then they both relaxed and fell on their backs, breathing hard. "God damn it, Olivia," Casey panted, cradling her left hand in her right. "I think you broke my hand."

"Yeah, right," Olivia scoffed. "My face broke your hand. And I'm pretty sure you dislocated my shoulder."

Casey glared at her, then sighed as she sat upright and leaned back against the couch. "Ow," she groaned, holding her cut foot in her uninjured hand.

"Hey, no getting blood on my floor."

Casey shrugged sadly. "Sorry." Still panting slightly, the ADA struggled to get to her feet, standing awkwardly on one foot and still holding her probably broken hand. "Look, I... this... it kind of got out of hand, I didn't..."

Olivia sighed and shook her head. "Yeah, I'm sorry too. Although you can't blame me for fighting back- you started this."

Casey chuckled softly. "Yeah. Yeah, I did." Grimacing slightly as her hand started to throb, she asked, "Can you drive me to the hospital now?"

The detective nodded at her own injured arm and shook her head. "No, not really. But I'll pay for the cab ride if you promise me you'll at least try to stop cutting. I'll help you as much as I can, but in the end, it has to be your decision."

Casey hesitated, then gestured towards the door and said, "I have a better idea: I call in my favor and have Elliot drive us _and_ I'll, um... try."

Olivia smiled in relief, then started to follow Casey out, laughing at her girlfriend as she hopped on one foot. "I like that idea even better."

Please review


	2. Chapter 2

Oh, look what I have, lurkers as far as the eye can see, but only one reviewer! REVIEW, people! REVIEW!

**Chapter 2**

"So..." Elliot asked as the couple walked out of the ER, "Want to tell me how exactly this happened?"

Olivia, whose injured arm was in a sling, glared at him and warned, "Drop it, Stabler. It isn't all that interesting of a story."

Elliot glanced between the two women, then said, "Well, based on Casey's blush, yes, it is a interesting story. Or embarrassing. Or funny. It doesn't matter to me, because you know I won't stop talking about it until I know."

Casey and Olivia glanced at each other, then finally, Casey, whose foot was bandaged and the fingers on her left hand were taped together, exclaimed, "Fine, I'll tell him! You know he'll find out eventually, Liv... El, your partner and I got in a, um... fist fight."

Elliot stared at the two of them for a moment, then burst out laughing. "The two of you got in a fist fight- and _Casey_ dislocated _Olivia's_ shoulder? And let me guess, Casey broke her finger by punching Olivia? Oh, this is too good!"

"What the- what do you mean 'good'?" Olivia demanded as they walked out of the hospital. "How the hell is a fist fight good?"

"It's not! What's good is that Casey, the lawyer, actually held her own against Olivia, the cop? _Ha!_"

Casey and Olivia just looked at each other as Elliot laughed again. They knew that, by this time tomorrow, the entire precinct and probably most of Casey's lawyer friends would know all about what had happened- well, at least they wouldn't know the details.

"Oh, I know," Elliot said with a mischievous grin, "Tomorrow is your birthday, right, Case? Well, that's my birthday present to you- I'll explain to everybody how you broke your hand, full of fake details that make it sound like it was a fight to death."

Casey raised an eyebrow at him curiously. "Oh really? And how exactly does that work out to be a good present for me?"

Elliot chuckled and rolled his eyes. "Well, not everything is about you, Case."

Casey and Olivia stared at him in confusion before Olivia just shook her head and rolled her eyes. "You're one of a kind, Elliot. One of a kind."

SVUSVUSVU

"Happy birthday, Casey!"

The ADA stared at the four cops who were smiling at her, especially Olivia. "Aww, guys. You shouldn't have," she said sweetly, walking forward and giving Olivia a kiss on the cheek.

"Oh, come on, Casey," Munch said, rolling his eyes. "We wanted to give you a party!" Casey just raised her eyebrow and stared at him until he relented and said, "All right, today we had a choice: sit here at our desks and stare at each other all day long, or throw you a surprise party. Option two had several advantages, such as we didn't die of boredom."

Casey chuckled and rolled her eyes. "Of course."

As Elliot began explaining- in great detail, of course- how exactly Casey had broken her hand, Olivia just laughed and beckoned Casey over to her desk. "Have some cake," Olivia said as she helped herself to a piece. "It's your favorite- chocolate."

Casey smiled gratefully and took the proffered piece with her uninjured hand while Olivia ate some herself. "You remembered." Casey took a bite, still smiling, then froze after she swallowed. "Liv, are you sure this is chocolate?" she asked urgently through a mouthful of cake. "Nothing else?"

Fin shrugged. "Well, the guy at the store said something about walnuts, why?"

Casey immediately choked on her bite and spit it out, fingers scrabbling at her throat. "Oh my god," she gasped, the blood draining from her face.

"Case?" Olivia asked in concern. "What's wrong?"

"I'm allergic to- ack!" Casey choked on her words, grasping the desk tightly, eyes wide with panic.

Olivia gasped once she realized what was happening and shouted, "God damn it, Fin! Casey's allergic to tree nuts!" Casey nodded in agreement, unable to speak as she struggled to breathe. "Does anyone have an eppi pen?"

The detectives all looked at each other as they shook their heads, then Elliot groaned as he hurried forward and pulled Casey into his arms. "Come on, let's drive her to a hospital- quicker then waiting for the ambulance!"

Olivia nodded as she hurried to open the door for him, the others not far behind. "Put her in a squad car, I'll drive, you guys follow behind!" Olivia ordered as she ran up to the nearest car, starting it without even bothering to put on her seatbelt as Elliot dropped Casey down next to her.

"Hang on, Case," Olivia muttered as she pulled out of the parking space and flew out into traffic, twenty miles over the speed limit. Casey was still trying to get in at least one breath of air, but it was impossible, and her face was slowly turning blue.

Olivia was so focused on getting her girlfriend to the hospital in time that she didn't notice she was about to fly over a speed bump. Casey saw the oncoming hazard and tried to choke out a warning, but she was too late, and Olivia hit the speed bump at 80 miles an hour.

Olivia instinctively slammed on the brakes, her eyes wide with shock, and the car skidded to a shaky stop, right in the middle of a busy street.

Elliot, who was following behind her with the other detectives, swerved to avoid the upcoming accident, slamming his foot down on the brakes and nearly running over a couple of pedestrians. The worst they got was a couple of sore necks. Unfortunately for Olivia, right when she was about to start driving again, another car flew through the intersection, smashing right into them. They skidded several feet and crashed into a pole while the other car flipped once, landing upside down in the middle of the street.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me!" he gasped, staring at the scene in horror before jumping out of the car, Munch and Fin on his heels, and dashed towards Olivia and Casey. The ADA was still conscious and struggling to get out of the car, but Olivia was out cold. "Call an ambulance!" he shouted as reached in to the car to pull Casey into his arms again. He had to reach through a mess of broken glass and metal to lift her out through the twisted remains blocking her from getting to the door and probably got the two of them several cuts in the process, but it didn't matter. Fin and Munch couldn't risk getting Olivia out of the car if there was neck or head trauma, but they couldn't wait for Casey. Paralyzed for life was better than dead.

The hospital was right around the corner, and when the people in cars saw Elliot carrying a barely conscious woman to the hospital, they stopped driving long enough to let him get to the hospital through a chorus of honking.

"Hang on, Case," he muttered under his breath as he ran into the hospital through the emergency entrance, breathing heavily and trying to focus on the ADA rather than his missing, injured partner. "Allergic... reaction," he gasped at the doctor who hurried over to take Casey from him.

"How long ago?" The doctor asked tersely as he carried Casey over to a spare bed and laid her down on it, Casey's eyes sliding shut, which only caused the detective to panic more.

"Um, two minutes, maybe?" Elliot panted, watching worriedly as the doctor stabbed the ADA with a syringe, right in the thigh. Casey immediately sat bolt upright with a gasp, wheezing as she blinked blearily, trying to clear the stars from her vision. She coughed violently, some of the color rushing back into her face.

Casey tried to speak, but she didn't enough air yet as she collapsed back onto the bed, hand over her pounding heart. The doctor tried to fit her with a breathing mask even as Casey attempted to wave him off. Knowing what was on her mind, Elliot grabbed her hand and said, partly to convince her, partly to convince himself, "Liv's gonna be fine, Casey."

Casey shook her head, trying to get off the bed even as Elliot pushed her back down and the doctor said ,"Ma'am, you're going to have to stay here for several hours so we can keep an eye on you, you nearly suffocated, and-"

"Olivia," she gasped, shaking her head fiercely. "Gotta get to Olivia-"

"She's going to be fine, Casey!" Elliot said sharply as the doctor pushed the breathing mask back into place; Casey's eyes focused on Elliot again and some of her color came back. "She's going to be fine. She has to be." Once again, he was speaking both to Casey and himself- Olivia had been his best friend for nearly ten years now. She couldn't die. She had to be fine.

SVUSVUSVU

The two detectives sighed in relief as the paramedics finally to get the roof of the car off so they could get to Olivia. She was still out cold and, from where they were standing, there was a hell of a lot of blood and the EMTs frantic conversations about her condition weren't helping matters. They strapped her onto a stretcher, saying something about her being in critical condition and that they had to get her to the hospital right away. When Fin tried to follow her towards the ambulance, one of the EMTs shook his head and said, "Sir, you can't ride along. We have to start treating her immediately."

He swore as the ambulance door shut and Olivia was on the way to the hospital. Both he and Munch often rode along in the ambulance ride with victims; it wasn't a good sign that they weren't being allowed to go with Olivia. Swearing again, Fin ran back over to the squad car, Munch jogging behind him as his cell phone started ringing. "Elliot!" he gasped into the phone.

"Casey's going to be fine, John, a couple scrapes and bruises from the crashes but no breaks, and they cured her anaphylaxis. Do they know anything more about Liv?" he asked urgently.

"Yeah, the paramedics just got her out of the crash; she's being taken to the hospital right now. Hasn't woke up and the EMTs say she's in pretty bad shape."

"God damn it! What was wrong with her, do you know?" Elliot exclaimed, and Munch just sighed helplessly.

"Sorry, no. We're on our way now."

SVUSVUSVU

Munch looked over at Casey uncertainly. Both exhausted by her ordeal and crashing in the aftermath of the shot of adrenaline, she was asleep. Munch had traded places with Elliot when Olivia had gotten to the hospital, and it had now been several hours since the car accident. Casey wasn't going to like what had developed in the hours she had been unconscious, no, not at all.

Casey was sleeping lightly, so when Munch let out a loud groan, that was enough to wake the ADA up. Casey's eyes flashed open, and she lay still for a moment before remembering what was going on and sitting bolt upright. "Munch?" she asked in confusion once she saw him. "What's going on? Where's Elliot? Is Liv okay?"

"Um... yeah, Liv's, um, okay," he lied, pretty unconvincingly.

Casey narrowed her eyes suspiciously, then demanded, "Munch, where's Olivia? What's wrong with her?"

Munch swallowed back his nerves, knowing that Casey wouldn't hesitate to punch him if he delayed much longer, so he said, "Um... well, she's got a broken wrist and a few broken ribs from the crash, but she's alive and not in coma, just unconscious," he trailed off hopefully, praying he could keep the bad news from Casey for a little while longer.

Casey sighed, rubbing her hands over her eyes tiredly. "God, this is all my fault. Me and my stupid birthday..."

Munch shook his head and started, "Casey-"

"No, no," she interrupted, getting slowly to her feet. Munch put a steadying hand on her shoulder as she swayed back and forth, dizzy. Casey swore when she regained her balance and continued with, "Munch, I have to see her. Where is she?"

Munch looked at her doubtfully for a second, then nodded. "Come on, follow me."

Once they were in the elevator to Olivia's floor, Munch looked at the ADA and said, "Case, listen... um, Liv... the doctor said she's probably gonna need a liver transplant."

Casey looked up in alarm. "What? Why?"

He shrugged and shook his head. "I'm not sure, all I know is what Elliot told me... Casey, they're going to try to get her on the transplant list, but... well, she can only live about 48 hours without a liver. And the doctor estimated it'll be at least three days before one's available."

Please review. I'm not asking, I'm telling. REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW


	3. Chapter 3

Yay! Reviewers!

**Chapter 3**

The entire squad had gathered in Olivia's hospital room, Casey curled up against the detective's side, her arms latched firmly around her neck, her head buried in her shoulder. They were waiting for her liver function tests to come back. Low was good. It would mean she wouldn't need a new liver. That she would live... High was bad.

No one was talking, Olivia and Casey embracing each other tightly and waiting for the doctor to return with the results. Casey was refusing to believe Olivia was going to die. No. She couldn't. Her sweet detective had been through the hell that was her childhood and been a cop for ten years. She'd chased after rapists and child molesters and stared death in the face a thousand times before and always lived to tell the tale. She couldn't die because of a car crash. It wasn't fair.

Kissing her neck, Casey hid her tears in Olivia's hair and wrapped her arms more tightly around her, as if she might float anyway at any moment. She could tell that the detective was absolutely terrified- not that Casey blamed her. She was terrified, too. Terrified that Olivia was going to leave her all alone, but that, that was a stupid, selfish reason- she couldn't handle the thought of someone as good and sweet and pure as Olivia dying. It just wasn't fair.

When the door opened to reveal the doctor, everyone turned to him and Casey helped Olivia sit up, the two women clinging onto each other, eyes wide with fear. The doctor was holding a sheet of paper in his hands, his expression grim. He was looking directly at Olivia when he said, "The liver function tests just came back... there's nothing we can do to stop you're liver from failing. I'm sorry, Detective."

SVU all stared at him in horror before turning to look back at Olivia. She wasn't reacting outwardly at all, her face frozen in an expression of shock and terror.

Casey gasped softly, squeezing Olivia's hand so tightly it hurt. The detective's expression changed slowly from frightened to horrified, the blood draining from her face. Casey shook her head fiercely, trying not to hear what the doctor was saying. _No. No no no. Olivia's not dying. She can't be dying!_

There were hidden tears on Olivia's tongue when she asked softly, "So... how long before I... before I die?" Casey gripped Olivia tighter on the last word, tears falling faster and faster down her cheeks. Olivia couldn't die. She couldn't!

"Well, in about 24 hours, you'll slip into a coma, and..." He saw the expressions on their faces, deducing that they didn't want to hear all the medical crap and just wanted to know what was going to happen to Olivia. "Two days, if you're lucky. I'm sorry, Detective," he apologized again before turning to walk out the door.

_"No!"_ Casey shouted, letting go of Olivia and jumping off the bed and storming over to the doctor. "You're lying! She's not dying! No!"

"Ma'am-"

"No! I- I mean- can't you do anything at all to help her? Please, there has to be something!" she begged, because if there was nothing they could do and Olivia died... she couldn't even handle the thought.

The doctor shook his head, his expression sober. "No, ma'am, there's nothing we can do for liver failure. We can just give her some drugs to ease her passing, but..."

As the doctor continued to speak, an idea popped into Casey's head, a brilliant possibility of keeping her detective alive. Of course it was worth the risk; anything was worth keeping Olivia from dying. 

"Does she need a whole liver? Can't I donate part of mine?" she begged tearfully, begging the doctor to tell her that she could do something, anything to keep her Olivia alive.

"Casey!" Olivia gasped weakly in shock, the other detectives not much better, shaking her head fiercely. "Casey, no!"

"Can't I?" she implored, staring into the doctor's eyes and ignoring Olivia's plea. She couldn't let Olivia die.

The doctor shook his head uncertainly. "Ma'am, you'd have to have the same blood type, and hers is incredibly rare- it's-"

"AB negative?" Casey interrupted harshly. "I know! We have the same blood type- please! Please, let me donate part of my liver to her!"

The doctor hesitated, looking between the two women, from Olivia's horrified expression to Casey's determined one, then nodded. "We need to run a lot of tests on the both of you to make sure, but yes. Because of our time frame, you're going to need to come with me so we can start the tests right away-"

"No, Casey! You can't do this!" Olivia tried again, the other detectives still too shocked to speak. "I won't let you!"

Without a moment's hesitation, Casey walked over to her and bent down to whisper in her ear, "Olivia, my memories of you were the only things that kept me sane when I was pregnant. I'm not going to let someone as amazing as you die when I can save you."

"_Casey!_" But the ADA wasn't listening to her. She turned and walked out the door after the doctor, flashing a final smile at Olivia.

"I love you, Liv," she said softly before disappearing around the door frame, leaving a horrified Olivia and three shocked detectives in her wake.

SVUSVUSVU

"She can't do this!" Olivia exclaimed hoarsely, glaring imploringly at Elliot. "Go, make her get this ridiculous idea out of her head. Please, Elliot!"

The two women had been separated for about half an hour, now, to undergo the tests before the surgery. Elliot was with Olivia, Munch was with Casey. "Liv," he said softly, trying to placate her, "Nothing I say or do is going to stop Casey from doing this."

"But she could die!" The detective was frantic, and, even in her weakened state, she was fighting like all hell to get Elliot to talk to Casey.

He shook his head, trying to hide how worried he was about Casey. "Liv, Casey's going to go through with this, no matter what anybody says."

"No!" Olivia exclaimed again. "She's... she's not just not thinking right, that... that has to be it. Casey can't die for me, she just... Elliot," she started hesitantly, then coughed again and winced. The doctors continued to poke and prod her as she continued, "This is just when she would of given birth to her daughter. She blames herself for her miscarriage even though it's absolutely not her fault and she's not thinking straight. She can't do this. You can't let her do this."

Elliot just sighed. "Olivia, Casey's a grown woman, allowed to make her own choices. You're probably right that she's not thinking straight, but you have to remember that she loves you and would do anything for you. What you would you do, if your positions were reversed?"

Olivia stared at him, flinching at the very idea before shaking her head adamantly and saying, "It's not the same. Casey can't do this. She can't risk her life to save mine. I... I can't let her. If she dies, then it'll be my fault!"

"Listen to me, Liv," Elliot said harshly. "Casey's not going to die, and this is not your fault."

"How the hell do you know anything, Elliot?" Olivia demanded, wincing as the doctors continued their tests but forcing herself to keep talking to him. "The doctor said she could die during surgery, and since I _know_ you don't have any magic powers to stop that from happening, then Casey is risking her life- just to save mine!"

"Yes- because she loves you. And-"

"And I love her!" she snapped. "I can't let her die!"

Elliot leaned forward, grabbing Olivia's hand and squeezing tightly. "You can't let her die just like she can't let you die. And, Olivia? If Casey doesn't do this transplant, you would... there's no chance you would make it out alive. For Casey, the risk of death is less than one percent."

"But there is a risk! A risk that I can't let her take!"

He kept on trying to convince her. "Olivia, come on. What would you do if it was Casey who needed a liver and you who had one? What you would tell me if I tried to talk you out of the transplant?"

Olivia glared at him, stubborn as hell. "Elliot... just... if she dies... because of me, then I'll-"

He shushed her. "Olivia, I already told you and I'm going to tell you again, this isn't your fault, and Casey is not going to die. You are both going to be fine."

SVUSVUSVU

Munch smiled at Casey as he walked slowly into the exam room. She winced and glared at the doctor who was sticking the needle in her arm before directing her attention back at Munch and saying, "Thirty five more tests and I'll be ready to go. Hell. Thirty five more tests. I'm not going to make it to the transplant."

They both chuckled as he sat down next to her, giving her a look, trying to convey both his gratitude for saving Olivia's life and his worry for her own. She nodded, accepting it, knowing he wouldn't try to talk her out of the transplant. He didn't want Olivia to die and Casey knew that, despite the risk to her own life, Munch supported her decision- he also knew that Casey was stubborn to a fault and could never be talked out of anything, especially something concerning the woman she loved so much.

He chuckled as he tried to come up with any possible scenario right now where Casey could do something to make him mad, to make his gratitude to her disappear. Not even his wild mind could come up with anything.

What the doctor said next, though, did the trick, all right. It was certainly something he never could of come up with. "And your pregnancy nine months ago, Ms. Novak, did you get an abortion?" he asked nonchalantly, unaware of how secret and sensitive that subject was with the ADA.

Casey froze, staring at the doctor in horror before raising her terrified gaze to Munch, who was looking between her and the doctor in confusion. "Pregnancy? What's he talking about? You were never pregnant... were you?" he asked lightly, not believing it for a second. When Casey didn't reply, her gaze darting frantically between the doctor and detective, he asked uncertainly, "Were you, Casey?"

She stared at him desperately, unable to tell him the truth. Unfortunately for her, Munch and his conspiracy theory mind jumped to conclusions and he stood up, letting go of her hand like he'd been burned. "Oh my god. You were! And he said nine months ago- that was when you were in LA, for witness protection! Hell, you must have fucked the first person you saw! And when you got pregnant, you got an abortion to get rid of the evidence, didn't you?"

"John- John, I'm so sorry," she said tearfully, shaking her head back and forth frantically. "I- I didn't mean to, I didn't know, I just woke up and he was- and I- it hurt, and-"

"No excuses, Novak!" he snapped. "Olivia never even _looked_ at another woman and she thought you were _dead!_ How could you do that to her? You cheated on her, fucking the first guy you saw, and Olivia couldn't have a relationship with anybody for nearly eight months because she felt like she was betraying you! You're just doing the transplant to get back on her good side, aren't you?"

She shook her head again, the tears cascading down her cheeks now. "No, John, I swear! I woke up and he was on top of me- I couldn't-"

"You whore, I don't want to hear any details! You don't deserve Olivia," he snapped, turning to leave the room and slamming the door behind him, leaving the ADA shocked and crying silently behind.

Oh, look at me, being all committed to you guys and doing research on liver transplants for you! You should feel special and drop a review. Seriously, review. REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!


	4. Chapter 4

Don't worry, Munch lovers, he redeems himself in this chapter ;)

**Chapter 4**

"Elliot?" Munch asked coldly as he slipped into Olivia's room. "I need to talk to you. Now," he added when Elliot looked back uncertainly at Olivia.

Sighing, Elliot squeezed her before hand before getting up and following Munch outside, where Fin and Cragen. "All right, Munch, what's so urgent? Is Casey okay?"

He smirked and nodded. "Oh, she's more than okay. She's perfectly fine. Of course, how could she not be, when she doesn't even have a god damn conscience?"

The others looked at each other in confusion before Elliot snapped, "Munch, no one has time for this, what exactly are you talking about?"

"Casey cheated on Liv! In Witness Protection! She fucked the first guy she saw, but wait, it gets better! She was pregnant. _Pregnant! _And keep reading, the plot's still thickening- she had a god damn abortion! She's only doing the transplant to get back in Olivia's good books! She doesn't care about her at all!"

Fin and Cragen, still in the dark about Casey's rape, watched his ranting skeptically, unsure of where he was coming from, but Elliot knew this had to have something to do with what Taylor Smith had done. "Munch," he interrupted quickly before he could get out anything more, "Why do you think that? What happened?"

"What happened? Oh, I'll tell you what happened! The doctor asked what happened to her pregnancy nine months ago! That was when she was in Witness Protection, probably as a prostitute! I asked her if she cheated on Olivia and she didn't even deny it! She just lay there and didn't do anything- for god's sakes, she even tried to justify it! 'I woke up and he was on top of me?' What the hell kind of an excuse is that? And-"

_"Munch!"_ Elliot shouted before the could the older detective said something he would regret. "Just shut up and listen for one god damn second! Casey did _not_ cheat on Olivia! How could you think she would do that?" Taking in a slow breath to try and calm himself down, Elliot continued, "Munch, she was raped. You know how we all thought that it was just the car bomb that forced Casey to go into Witness Protection? Well, that wasn't the only reason! Taylor Smith raped her and nearly beat her to death, and she ended up pregnant. And no, she did not get an abortion, she miscarried! I was the first person Casey saw when she got home and she told me everything. I helped her tell Liv and she begged us both not to say anything. We respected her wishes and kept our silence, but congratulations, Munch. Now, because you jumped to conclusions, we all know what happened and she's probably feeling even worse than before!"

The three stared at him, mirror expressions of shock covering their pale complexions. Once Munch had regained his composure, he slumped back against the wall, shaking his head. "God damn it... Now I feel horrible."

"Yeah, you should," Elliot agreed. "How much did you yell at her when you thought she had cheated on Liv?"

Munch's aggravated sigh was the only response Elliot's cold question required. Abruptly, he pushed himself off the wall and turned to hurry off down the hallway. "I have to go talk to her," he said over his shoulder, leaving Elliot alone with a furious Fin and Cragen.

As Munch walked towards Casey's room, a nurse on her way stopped him and said, "Sir, you can't go in there."

"What do you mean?" he asked worriedly. "Is everything all right?"

She nodded. "Yes, but Ms. Novak's just not accepting visitors right now."

"What do you mean 'she's not accepting visitors'? I was in there just a second ago and-"

"And now she's not accepting visitors. Sorry, sir," the nurse said bruskly before walking inside, leaving Munch behind. He groaned, shaking his head as he leaned back against the wall. This had to be because of what he had said to her. Damn him and his conspiracy theories. He had to jump to conclusions and now Casey was probably miserable.

With a sigh, he started to walk back to Olivia's room. He'd have to wait to talk to Casey until after the surgery.

SVUSVUSVU

"Casey," Olivia tried to beg one last time, "please. I don't want you to die. Please, don't do this."

The transplant was due to start in about five minutes time, and the doctors had given the two women a moment alone together before the surgery. Olivia was still trying to convince Casey not to go through with it, but the ADA didn't seem to be listening.

Ever since Munch's accusation, she had just given up completely and let the doctors do their tests while she lay there, limp and uncaring, taking pleasure in the fact that their poking and prodding hurt. Without Olivia there to talk to her, the old waves of guilt had come rushing back, along with the voices taunting her, telling her _it's your fault, you didn't stop him. You let him hurt you. You betrayed Olivia. You could of stopped him but you didn't, he hurt you a little bit and suddenly you cave and let him have sex with you; you betrayed her. You let your students get to you; they caused the miscarriage. You you you. It's all your fault._

Doing this transplant couldn't even come close to atoning for her sins, to stop her from feeling guilty for cheating on Olivia and killing her baby. Nothing could do that. She would be making up for it the rest of her life.

"Casey!" Olivia tried again, just as the nurse added the sedative to the detective's IV. Sighing in defeat, she said, "Casey, I'm so sorry. I love you."

Casey finally turned her head to look at Olivia, tears shining in her green eyes. She didn't Olivia to fall asleep without knowing how much she loved her and how sorry she was, so she told her. "Olivia," she said quickly, knowing she didn't have much time before she passed out, "I love you. Please forgive me, I'm so sorry... I love you."

Olivia frowned, about to ask what the hell Casey had to be sorry for, but the drugs took affect and sent her along to a dream world before she had the chance.

Once the detective was unconscious, Casey sighed and just decided for the same to happen to her. She just wanted to fall asleep and forget this had ever happened.

SVUSVUSVU

The surgery had been a success. Both Casey and Olivia had pulled through without any complications, though they'd have to be in the hospital from one to two weeks and have to take several months off work to recover. Olivia was in the ICU, which the doctor had assured them was just hospital procedure after a liver transplant, and Elliot was with her. Munch was with Casey. Fin and Cragen would visit the both of them later, but they had to get back to work.

Olivia and Casey were both still unconscious, and once the ADA had woken up and Munch had apologized for his actions before, he would be back to work. As of now, Elliot was simply going to be Olivia's messenger to Casey until she was out of the ICU.

Munch returned from getting a cup of coffee to find Casey awake and staring blankly at the ceiling. "Casey!" he exclaimed, shutting the door and walking quickly forward, frowning when she didn't react.

"Detective. Is Olivia okay?" she asked coldly without looking at him.

He watched her uncertainly before replying, "Yes, she's fine. Both of you are."

Casey sighed. "Good. Then I don't care anymore. Go tell the others that her cheating, undeserving girlfriend is fine and that they should be worrying about Olivia and not me anyway."

Munch didn't realize that Casey wasn't being sarcastic; she was actually serious. "Casey... I'm sorry, I didn't know what really happened. I confronted Elliot and the rest of the squad and he told me the truth. I'm so sor-"

"No, John! You don't get to be sorry! You were right. It was my fault; I didn't stop him. And the miscarriage was practically an abortion; that one was my fault too- I listened to my students when they said it was all my fault and couldn't handle it and the doctor said it was a stress induced miscarriage..."

He frowned in confusion, then sat down in the visitor's chair and asked, "Casey, what are you talking about? What do you mean, 'your students said it was your fault'? And how is what he did to you _your_ fault, at all?"

She groaned and rolled onto her side, facing away from him despite the pain it caused. "I fought him and made him mad. He hit me and just because it hurt a little, I let him do whatever he wanted. And my students; they all said rape was the victim's fault, and the day I miscarried, one of them said it again and I just couldn't handle it. I miscarried, and it's all my god damn fault."

"Casey!" Munch exclaimed sharply, trying to get her to look at him. "Listen to me! Rape is _never_ the victim's fault, no matter what the circumstances are, and it's certainly not your fault you miscarried! I know that for a fact, Casey."

With a sigh, she rolled over again, this time facing him as she snapped, "You weren't there, so you don't have the slightest idea about anything. And I don't need or deserve your sympathy. Olivia does; she's the one who stayed with her cheating, pathetic excuse for a human being, for a girlfriend, the same woman who killed her baby, a baby that could of grown up to be another Olivia."

"Casey, don't do this- nothing that's happened is your fault! You didn't ask to be raped and you did not let him do anything. Those events were outside of your control; as was the miscarriage. Don't blame yourself for this," he implored, resting his hand on top of hers and trying to will her to look at him.

She just shrugged, keeping her gaze fixated on her hands. "It doesn't matter anymore, John. I don't care. I'm just glad Olivia's all right."

"Casey!" John exclaimed, leaning forward so he was in her line of vision. "Olivia is alive because _you_ risked your life to save hers. And she loves you. What happened to you nine months ago is _absolutely_ not your fault. I promise, Casey. You couldn't have done anything to stop him."

She hesitated, then looked up at him with uncertain, wide eyes, then asked in a small voice, "Promise?"

He smiled, then nodded. "Yeah, I promise."

A long moment passed in silence, and then she whispered, "I didn't want to have sex with him. I swear. But he made it hurt really bad, and I wanted it to stop, and-"

He shushed her. "Shh, Casey. It's not your fault. None of it. All right? Look at me and tell me all right."

Casey sighed, then smiled at him slightly and said, "All right."

He smiled before getting to his feet, nodding satisfactorily. "Good. Now, I have to get back to work. Elliot's with Liv, so you don't have to worry about her being alone, and you can probably see her tomorrow."

"Good," she said softly, relieved. "Thanks for staying with me, John. Tell Liv I love her, would you?"

He nodded as he made his way to the door. "Will do. Want anything else?"

She hesitated, then chuckled and nodded. "Yeah, why don't you give her a big kiss for me?"

They both laughed before Munch smirked and said, "Hey, if you offer, I might just do it. I'd kiss a beautiful woman any day."

"Hey! You kiss my girlfriend and I'll punch you in the mouth! So don't you even think about it."

He raised his hands in surrender as he opened the door and said, "All right, all right, I won't. But I can fantasize." Casey glared at him, then chuckled once he had left.

"Good," she repeated to herself, smiling slightly. "Good."

We've reached the halfway point. Four more chapters and we're done, and Chapter Five begins happy land. Please review!


	5. Chapter 5

I don't know if you guys are aware of this, but Infinitelyyblue passed away five days ago. I just found out and while I'm not a fan of EO, Carter was still a good writer and will be missed. The rest of this fic is dedicated to Carter. If you want more information about what actually happened, look at his profile.

**Chapter 5**

Casey kicked her feet up on Olivia's bed and smiled slightly, watching her girlfriend sleep. It had been a day since the surgeries and Olivia was out of the ICU, meaning Casey could come and spend most of the day with her. The other detectives were back at work, though they had all promised to come back that evening and visit them. Well, Elliot had passed along that message, along with the fact that Munch had confronted him in front of everybody else. Everybody else knew her secret.

She shook her head and forced herself to focus on the paperback book she had brought along to read in case Olivia was asleep. She didn't want to think about that.

It had only been about ten minutes when a voice interrupted her. "How come they let you drag your ass down here? The doctors won't let me leave the hospital room yet."

"Olivia!" Casey exclaimed, shutting her book and setting it down on the bed, next to Olivia's feet. "You're awake."

She grinned and nodded as she started to sit up. "Yep," she grunted. "And I'm already bored as hell and it hasn't even been a day."

"Yes, but that's because you were stuck in the boring Elliot Stabler's company. Now you're with me."

They both chuckled, and Casey got up slowly and walked closer to Olivia, then lay down next to her and wrapped her arms around her neck. The detective reciprocated and kissed her cheek. "Don't scare me like that again," Casey said sharply, her voice thick as she rested her head on Olivia's shoulder. "God, I was so worried..."

"You're telling me? Jesus, Casey. You _risked your life_ to save... me. God, I... I'm not sure whether I should be thanking you or telling you to never do that again."

Casey chuckled softly and shook her head. "You can do either one, I'm just glad you're okay... Listen, Liv, I'm so sorry- about all of this. If it wasn't for me and my god damn birthday, none of this would of happened, and-"

"Shush, you," Olivia ordered before kissing her again. "You're the reason I'm alive, you don't get to apologize. And this isn't anyone's fault... besides, now we'll always be a part of each other." She patted her stomach, where part of Casey's liver was now inside Olivia, then sighed and kissed her again. "How did I end up with someone as amazing as you?"

"Funny, I was just about to ask you the same thing," Casey murmured, intertwining their legs. "You... you've stayed with me, these past three months, even though I've probably been the worst girlfriend on earth. And when you thought I was dead for six months, you didn't find someone else- hell, you even took me back, even though I never bothered to even call you to tell you I was alive. I know every time I say stuff like this you insist that you never held it against me or it's not my fault, but it doesn't change the fact that I still feel like it's true."

Olivia sighed, trying to find the right words to say to convince Casey that nothing that had happened was her fault. After talking some with Alex, she was able to understand that Casey had wanted to call them and talk to them more than anything, but she'd been terrified. Alex had explained that she had dialed the precinct's number countless times, but had simply been too scared to actually complete the call, that her fear of Cesear Velez had been too strong. And Alex had simply been shot; that wasn't even comparable to what Casey had been through. She didn't blame Casey for being too afraid to contact her; but that didn't stop the ADA from feeling guilty.

"Case... look, even if you had something to be sorry for- which you don't, by the way- you would of more than made up for it by what you did for me."

"Olivia, you don't have to thank me for that. I'm the one that should be thanking you. When the doctor said that you were going to die, I... I don't want to imagine life without you ever, _ever_ again. That was... scary. If it wasn't for you, when I was Witness Protection, I probably would of just given up completely. But I didn't, and... I owe you for that. You're the only reason I came home to you at all. If I hadn't had you, I probably would of ended up in a mental asylum or something."

Olivia opened her mouth to say something, but Casey put her finger on her lips and shushed her. "No, wait, let me finish. When I came back to New York, I was focused on the fact that I was with you again and ignored everything else. And I know I've been lying to you... you know, about cutting myself, and about how much I drink, and... I'm sorry. But... I want to be happy with you again. I was happy with you, before I was raped. And don't get me wrong, I still am, but... this whole ordeal, especially the fact that now everybody knows what happened, has taught me that I can't keep just living like this. You've been trying to talk to me these past three months and I just kept shutting you out, and for that, I'm sorry. You could of helped me and I was just too scared to admit that I wasn't okay. I'm willing to actually try and recover, I am. Just, I..." Casey hesitated before burying her face in Olivia's shoulder and whispering, "I don't want to do it alone. Please? Please don't make me do it alone. I mean, I will if you're done trying to help me and I'll completely understand if you are, I know I've-"

"Casey," Olivia interrupted, kissing her to get her to shut up. "Trust me, nothing you do or say at this point could drive me away from you. You just saved my life, and besides... I can't tell you how happy what you just said has made me. Of course I'll still help you. I'll do anything for you, Casey. Even if you hadn't saved my life... god, I love you so much." She started kissing Casey again, meandering down her neck and shoulders, pulling her trembling hands through Casey's hair.

The sound of someone clearing their throat interrupted them, and Casey and Olivia pulled apart to see a doctor standing in the doorway. Casey's face was practically glowing red as she scrambled to relocate to the chair, looking anywhere but at the doctor, who was shaking his head and smirking slightly.

"You know, sex really isn't advised this soon after liver transplants," he said as he walked further into the room. "Certainly not in such a, um, public location. And, Ms. Novak, you really should get back to your room. Walking around too much after surgery is also a bad idea."

Grumbling under her breath, Casey kissed Olivia on the cheek before standing up and heading towards the door, taking the hint that the two had to talk to each other alone for a moment. "Love you!" Olivia called after her.

"Love you more," Casey said back, both chuckling at the domestic phrase. She walked slowly down the hall, supporting herself with the IV pole and grimacing slightly. She had hoped the doctor had been exaggerating when he'd said she'd be in the hospital for a week or so- apparently, he hadn't been. She was still too shaky and tired to make it more than halfway down the hallway before she had to sit down and rest for a second.

She wasn't sure where her conversation with Olivia had come from- she hadn't ever thought about what she'd said beforehand, it had just started coming out. Maybe her conversation with Munch had prompted some sort of breakthrough, because she hadn't lied. She did want to get better, but, if she was being honest with herself, she had no idea how and was scared to do it alone.

Shaking her head, Casey was about to try and stand up again when a voice interrupted her thoughts. "Well, here's our wayward ADA. What are you doing out here?"

Casey looked up to see Elliot standing above her, a small smile on his face. Chuckling, Casey said, "Well, I was with Liv, and we _were_ enjoying ourselves, but then the doctor just _had_ to interrupt us. What are you doing here?"

He shrugged. "Thought I'd stop by on my lunch break, mostly to get away from Munch's insipid conspiracy theories. His current theory is the doctors implanted brain controlling devices in the two of you during the transplant." He held out hid hand out and Casey took it, pulling herself to her feet and laughing.

"Oh, Munch. Why am I not surprised?" They both laughed as Elliot helped Casey back to her room, shaking his head in amusement as the ADA glanced longingly back at Olivia's room.

"You two are joined at the hip. It gets really annoying, seeing you two together, being all sweet and mushy and... ugh." Casey just laughed and rolled her eyes.

"Hey, if you don't like us, just leave. Now's your chance; we're both trapped in this damn hospital, if you run, we won't be able to catch you."

Elliot groaned and shook his head. "See, here's the problem with that- when you get released, you'll find me. You _always_ find me."

"Well, that's because we can smell people to mooch off- like you- from a mile away!" Casey teased. "Come on, Elliot, if you want us to stop looking for you, stop being so nice to us! You offer us coffee and free food, rides to and from work, money and everything in between. Why wouldn't we try and find you? You are the perfect man to mooch off of." Elliot just sighed and smiled slightly, opening the door to Casey's room for her, prompting another laugh. "See, there's another thing! You always hold the door for us. Elliot, if you want us to leave you alone, you have to stop being so nice to us."

"But if I do, you and Olivia will make my life hell. It's just easier to keep you two happy."

Casey hesitated, then nodded. "Well, I'll give you that one." She glared at the bed in distaste for a moment before sighing as she slowly got back into it. "Damn hospital," she muttered under her breath. "Day one out of ten. Patient status: bored out of her mind."

Elliot laughed. "That's what you get for being the selfless girlfriend who saves my partner's life... we can never thank you enough for that."

Once again, Casey just waved him off. "El, trust me. Olivia being alive is thanks enough... well, I know she's the main reason you came. Go check on her and tell the others how she is."

Grinning at her, Elliot nodded and turned towards the door. "All right- oh, yeah, before I go- here." He handed her his cup of coffee, which Casey accepted eagerly. "That's so you don't crash without your caffeine supply everyday. I swear, Casey, you're addicted."

"Addicted and proud. And hey, it's a better addiction then smoking or whatever. This one's healthy for me!"

Smirking and shaking his head, Elliot headed down the hallway to Olivia's room. He found his partner working on something on her laptop. When she saw him standing in the doorway, she jumped and slammed her laptop shut, her face turning red in embarrassment. "Elliot!" she gasped. "What are you doing here?"

"Um, thought I'd stop by on my lunch break- what are you doing?" he asked curiously, walking forward and trying to see what she had been working on.

Olivia hesitated before giving in and opening her laptop again for Elliot to see. She had been looking over a site on- engagement rings? He frowned in surprise, glancing at Olivia and back at the computer again before gasping, "Wait a minute- engagement rings- for Casey? You're gonna propose to Casey?"

Blushing, the detective returned her attention to the computer screen and asked, "You think she'll say yes?"

"Of course I do! I was just telling Casey that you two are so sweet and mushy together it makes me sick. That's the sign that you need to tie the knot!" he exclaimed, sitting down next to her and trying to contain his smile.

Olivia sighed, looking him over for a moment before saying, "Well, I want to do it when I get out of the hospital. And you're going to be the one organizing it, Elliot, so, take notes!"

"Oh, what? No, no, I'm not going to be the one planning this or anything! That's female stuff! I am not going to spend my time organizing a romantic night between you and Casey when I could be-"

"Come on, El!" Olivia pleaded. "I'll pay for everything and even make you a list, you just have to make sure everything's set up the day I'm going home. Please?"

Elliot hesitated, really not wanting to get into planning anything romantic between the two women, but when Olivia pouted and said 'please' again, he groaned and gave in. "Fine, fine, I'll do it! But you so owe me, Liv."

"Whatever, I'll just talk to Cragen and have you work with Fin these next couple months instead of Munch. You'll be indebted to me forever."

Elliot just sighed. He never could win with these two. "Women," he chuckled as he got to his feet. "All right, I'll help you out. But make sure you mention it to Casey; that way, at least one of you will owe me a favor."

Olivia hesitated, then smiled slightly and shook her head. "Elliot, if she says yes, I'll already owe you for the rest of my life."

Oh, look at this, my lurkers are back! REVIEW. NOW. Just because I have the whole thing written doesn't mean I can't hold chapters hostage ;)


	6. Chapter 6

LURKERS!

**Chapter 6**

Everything was getting set up for when Olivia was going to propose to Casey. She had found the ring she wanted online and Elliot had already picked it up at the store. Despite the fact that Casey's apartment wasn't the most romantic setting, Olivia had decided to propose there- she didn't want to do it out in public and have all the expectant eyes on her pressure her to say yes. And she could have Elliot get some Italian- although, if she wanted to come home to an apartment and not it's smoldering remains, he'd have to get takeout... yes, Italian from Casey's favorite takeout place, the diamond ring, Casey's favorite wine- everything was shaping up perfectly.

The only problem was, neither the ADA nor the detective was being released from the hospital for another week.

They both were bored out of their minds- even Olivia, who'd busied herself planning their romantic night together the past three days. Casey, unaware of the detective's plans, was practically going crazy with nothing to do and had taken to counting ceiling tiles to pass the spare time. Sleeping was good; it made hours go by quickly and because of the hospital's painkillers, she could do alot of it, but she still found herself awake and bored far too often. To pass the time, she would talk to Olivia. Sometimes, it'd be simple, light conversation, like work gossip or something similar. Other times, Casey would try and tell Olivia what she remembered about the rape, because Olivia had asked and she had promised to try and tell her. Sometimes, they just lie together and eventually fall asleep entwined in each other's arms or kiss- and they are excruciatingly careful to make sure it doesn't go beyond kissing. The experience with the doctor walking in on them was not one they were looking to repeat any time soon.

Olivia also took the opportunity to explore the topic of having kids with Casey. The ADA had been surprised when the topic had first come up, but had agreed with Olivia that yes, she did want kids some day. Normally, with both schedules being absolutely insane, such a conversation would be prolonged out for weeks or even months, but now, with nothing to do but lie around and talk, they had time to actually discuss it.

"Well, let's think about this, Liv," Casey said after a moment. "Are you talking about having kids with me, or just in general?"

Olivia hesitated- she didn't want to reveal her plans to Casey. She grinned slightly, then shrugged. "Well, for now, with you. It's not like I'm making plans to break up with you or anything- don't think you have to worry about that."

They both chuckled as Casey leaned in and kissed her. "Rest assured, Olivia, I know. I've got you right where I want you." They brushed noses by accident and laughed again before Casey lay her head on the detective's shoulder and continued. "Seriously, though... if it's with you... well, invitro or adoption?"

Olivia thought about it as she ran her hand through Casey's hair. "I'm not sure... well, I think if we did invitro, then you should be the one to carry it. I mean, if you don't want to, that's okay, but you have the safer job. And if you'd be the one carrying it, I think it should be your choice, whether to adopt or do invitro. I'm open to either option."

Casey hesitated, then smiled broadly and said, "Invitro. I want to carry this baby myself. Plus, you know, with adoption, you always have the issue of should we tell the kid they were adopted, if so, how, and when- all that mess. With invitro, I'm pretty sure they're going to know that we're both not the biological parents."

They both laughed before Olivia said, "Well, if we do invitro, you want the father to be someone we know, or do we just go to a sperm bank? Personally, I want someone we know and trust."

"Hmm... haven't thought about that yet. Well, I suppose I'm with you on that, too- someone we know. God, that sounds like an awkward conversation- hey Elliot, can you father my and Olivia's baby?"

"Oh, trust me, that would send him running. Besides, do you really think El needs a _sixth_ kid running around?" Chuckling, Casey shook her head as she imagined six little Stablers running out there- just what the world needed. "But yeah, we could ask him. After the initial shock wears off, he might be open to the idea."

Casey sighed, then murmured against Olivia's neck, "Why does it matter, anyway? It's not like we're asking him tomorrow. And my tongue is getting tired of talking. It misses your mouth."

The detective hesitated for a moment before bursting out laughing. "I can not believe you just said that!"

"Well, it's the truth! What do you think about rectifying this situation?"

Chuckling softly, Olivia set about doing just that.

SVUSVUSVU

"Well, this is finally the day," Elliot said. "You're proposing to Casey."

Olivia nodded happily. "Yep. You set everything up? Didn't forget anything?"

Sighing, Elliot rolled his eyes and shook his head. "You know, Olivia, asking over and over isn't going to change my answer. Yes, everything's ready. Wine's already poured and waiting in glasses, I ordered the takeout and asked your friend to set it up so it will still be warm when you two get there- I followed all your instructions. And you still owe me for this, Liv."

Six days had passed since Olivia and Casey's discussion with having kids, and the doctors were finally releasing both women from the hospital, though neither one would be returning to work for a few months. Elliot had come to down to the hospital, bringing the ring for Olivia as well as clothes she had picked out from what she could remember was in their closets. Her favorite green dress to see Casey in- though Casey maintained that, with her red hair, it made her look like a Christmas tree- and the red dress the ADA had bought for her birthday last year had ended up being her final selections, though Elliot hadn't been happy about having to go searching through either woman's closet. Olivia knew she was going to owe him for the rest of her life with all that he was doing for her in terms of planning tonight, but she didn't care- even though Elliot would never let her forget his role in it. As she had told him when she had first shared her idea of proposing to Casey with him, if she said yes, she would be the happiest person on earth- no partner of hers, no matter how annoying he might be, could change that.

"Yes, yes, I know," she sighed, rolling her eyes. "Don't worry, I'll think of something. Now quick! Give me the ring before Casey comes and sees you!"

He laughed as he pulled the box out of his pocket and handed it to her. Olivia checked to make sure the ring was actually inside before hiding it in her pocket and exclaiming, "Thank you so much, Elliot! Casey will love it." Olivia hugged him for a moment, then was interrupted by a voice from the doorway.

"Am I going to have to keep my eye on the two of you?"

"Casey!" Olivia exclaimed, pulling back from Elliot and smiling broadly at her. "God... you look gorgeous."

Casey shifted uncomfortably in the clothes Elliot had brought for her. "Yeah, I was going to ask him about that- why did he bring me a dress?"

Olivia chuckled as she walked forward and wrapped her arms around her slender waist. "Because I love you in it. And I wanted tonight to be as romantic as possible."

"What?" Casey asked as she stepped back. "Wait- you planned something, didn't you? You planned something for when we'd be released from the hospital?" When Olivia nodded, the ADA laughed and walked closer to her, kissing her.

"Hey, why don't I get a kiss?" Elliot asked. "I'm the one that set all this up! And there's my partner, taking all the credit. That's shameful, if you ask me. And I think I deserve at least one kiss."

Casey and Olivia laughed at him. "Men are such perverts... well, Olivia? Do you think he deserves a kiss?"

Olivia looked her partner over for a second before shaking her head. "See, normally, I'd say yes. But I'm eager to get you home and don't want to smell Elliot all over you. Come on, Casey, let's go."

"What? Oh, come on! All right, you know I'm never doing either one of you favors ever again, right?"

The two women laughed at Elliot's indignant expression before Casey said, "Oh, poor Elliot.

Giving him one kiss wouldn't be such a bad thing, would it? No, it would. Come on, Liv, let's go."

Elliot just groaned and walked with them out of the hospital, complaining the whole way. As they reached the front entrance, Olivia winked at Casey and said, "You know, El... if you pulled the car around front, I'd be very happy. Maybe even happy enough to kiss you."

Grumbling to himself, Elliot walked off to go get the car, leaving the two women alone. When he was gone, Olivia turned slowly to the ADA and said, "Casey, if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be walking out of this hospital."

Casey just shook her head. "Will you stop with that?" she asked lightly. "It's not something you have to thank me for. I love you, and if I had the chance to do it all over again, I wouldn't do anything differently."

The ADA leaned forward so her forehead was resting against Olivia's and kissed her for a second. "Stop saying thank you," she mumbled into Olivia's mouth, "and start saying you love me, you hopeless romantic."

"The hopeless romantic is offended. Withdraw your statement, Counselor, before trying to make deals with me," Olivia said into Casey's hair as she wrapped her arms around her neck.

"Oh, we're playing that game, are we? In that case, _Detective_, I'm in charge here. The courtroom's my territory."

"But we're not in a courtroom, Casey. That means you have to do what I say, and I say-"

"I say that both of you need to get in the car! I'm not waiting around all night, though I do think it would be interesting to watch you two have sex in the hospital lobby."

Casey and Olivia jumped apart to find Elliot watching them with an amused smile on his face. "Damn it," Olivia muttered under her breath. "Why do people keep walking in on us? We really need to get home so we can do this in private."

"Yeah," Casey agreed. "Come on, El. Take us home so I can see what my hopeless romantic of a girlfriend has planned for me. And who knows, maybe I'll get confused and kiss you instead of Olivia. You never know."

"Oh, yeah, I'm sure you will," Elliot chuckled. "Sure you will." He led the two of them out to his car, smirking as they climbed into the backseat together and immediately wrapped their arms around each other. "You two are the mushiest couple I have ever seen!" Elliot exclaimed. "God, when are you two going to tie the knot off already?"

Olivia's head jerked up and she glared at him furiously, gasping, "Elliot! Shut up!"

Casey, who didn't realize what Olivia was really mad about, said, "Yeah, stop trying to get us to marry each other. I'm too chicken to propose, and every time Olivia would try, she'd probably get called into work. You'd have to do the proposing for her, but then you'd want us to do favors for you, and that would be horrible! Wouldn't it, Liv?"

Both the detectives were laughing, though Casey didn't know that she'd gotten pretty close to guessing exactly what Olivia had done. "Um, yeah," Olivia chuckled. "Yeah, it would."

Please review


	7. Chapter 7

Well, here I was, trying to figure out a way to make this chapter longer when I decided to try out my first song fic, though I took out two choruses. The song is Everytime We Touch, by Cascada- nope, don't own it, although it is one of my favorite songs EVER. I normally hate songfics, but I had to make this chapter longer and was lazy.

**Chapter 7**

"God, Olivia," Casey moaned as she kissed her again. "This has been the best night of my life."

Olivia smiled as she pulled away from Casey and put her hand on the box in her pocket. "Well, hopefully it's about to get even better."

"Huh?" Casey asked in confusion, smiling at her. "What could possibly make this night better?"

They had been home for about two hours, and Casey had been thrilled when she saw what Olivia had set up. Olivia had been stalling, because, truthfully, she was terrified. What if Casey said no?

Shaking her head, Olivia swallowed the rest of her wine and got down one knee. It was time to just ask her, and let Casey either take up permanent residence in Olivia's heart or break it. Casey stared at her in confusion as Olivia took a deep breath, then began.

"Casey, we've been dating for almost two years. I thought you were dead for five months, and it nearly killed me. Then you came back home and, despite what both us went through those five months, we still loved each other and we still made it work. Ten days ago, I was dying. Then you saved my life. Doing that transplant risked your life, yet you still did it- to save me. I don't care that you say I don't have to say thank you; I'll be grateful to you for the rest of my life."

Olivia pulled out the box and opened it, revealing the sparkling diamond ring to Casey. The ADA's face went blank with shock, and she looked from the ring to Olivia, trying to form her question but unable to. "Casey Novak, we're ready to die for each other. I think that means to ready marry each other. Will you marry me?"

Casey struggled to form her answer as she looked between Olivia and the ring again before bursting into tears as she grabbed the ring from her and threw herself at the detective. "Of course I'll marry you, Olivia!" she gasped, wrapping her arms tightly around her as Olivia fell onto her back, bringing Casey with her. "Of course I will!" The ADA kissed her hungrily, wrapping one leg around her waist and twining Olivia's hair in her hand.

They lay on the floor for several minutes, both wrestling for dominance, but Casey suddenly got to her feet, pulling Olivia with her as she hurried back to the bedroom, still kissing her as she struggled to take Olivia's dress off. Olivia stopped her, her hand resting on Casey, watching her with a concerned gaze. "Case?" she asked.

"I'm ready, Olivia," Casey gasped. "I'm ready. I want you to make love to me. Please."

Olivia hesitated, still uncertain. "Are you sure? I don't want you to do something now, just because-"

"Please, Olivia. I'm ready. I want to make love to you right now. Please." Casey begged her with her eyes, resting her hands on Olivia's shoulders and trying to make her understand that it wasn't just because Olivia had proposed, it was because she really was ready.

After another moment, Olivia said uncertainly, "Well... all right. But, Casey, if you want me to stop, then all you have to do is say so. Okay?"

Casey nodded. "Okay... _Mrs_. Benson," she said with a smile before kissing her again.

SVUSVUSVU

Sometime during the night, they had knocked the radio to the floor, inadvertently turning it on. As the newly engaged couple celebrated the fact, the station switched over to what was possibly the best song for the moment. When, exhausted but happy, Casey curled up in Olivia's arms and closed her eyes, she listened to the lyrics and smiled broadly.

_I still hear your voice, when you sleep next to me._

_I still feel your touch in my dreams._

_Forgive me my weakness, but I don't know why._

_Without you it's hard to survive._

Absolutely true, Casey mused as she kissed Olivia's hand, which was resting on her shoulder. When she'd been off in Witness Protection, she had still dreamed about Olivia. It was either a nightmare about Taylor Smith or a dream about Olivia, which, though it often left her miserable when she woke up, she never regretted having- those were not the only hours she had as Casey Novak and not the lie of Olivia Bell, but were also when she could dream about the life Casey Novak and Olivia Benson could of had together. If it hadn't been for her memories of her Olivia, Casey probably would of lost herself completely and become Olivia Bell.

_Cause everytime we touch, I get this feeling._

_And everytime we kiss I swear I can fly._

_Can't you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last._

_Need you by my side._

_Cause everytime we touch, I feel this static._

_And everytime we kiss, I reach for the sky._

_Can't you feel my heart beat so_

_I can't let you go._

_Want you in my life._

The first time she had touched Olivia after coming home from LA had been indescribable. In that moment, anything was possible, because that was what she had dreamed of for months- that one impossible, far-off moment that she could never have, a gorgeous fantasy- and it was suddenly true. They hadn't wanted to ever let each other go; they had wanted to hold onto each other forever.

_Your arms are my castle, your heart is my sky._

_You wipe away tears that I cry._

_The good and the bad times, we've been through them all._

_You make me rise when I fall._

So true. Beyond true. Casey didn't care if she was lived in a mansion in Malibu or a house in the suburbs or a cardboard box on the streets, being in Olivia's arms was her equivalent of heaven. Back in Witness Protection, Casey would sometimes pretend it was Olivia tenderly wiping away her tears instead of herself, and it would almost always instantly make her feel just a little bit better.

They'd been through hell and back together, but Olivia had pulled Casey through those five months of living a lie, in constant fear for her life. Casey snuggled deeper into Olivia's arms and smiled. "Thank you," Casey said shyly as she nuzzled her head into Olivia's shoulder. The detective had been so patient, so gentle the entire night. Always checking with Casey to make sure she was okay, never moving too quickly or trying to assert dominance, which they had used to fight for before Casey's fake death.

"I think I should be the one thanking you," Olivia murmured. "That was fantastic. And I'm glad you trusted me enough to do this."

"No. I trusted my _fiancée_ enough to do this," Casey said with a giggle. "And, speaking of which- my finger's still lonely." She held up her left hand which, at the moment, was bare.

Olivia smiled before sitting up and saying, "Let me fix that for you." She padded out to the front room, the sheet wrapped around her, as she looked at the remains of last night's romantic dinner. Shaking her head and chuckling at how nervous she had been, Olivia bent down and picked up the ring from where they had dropped it last night, which made her realize she had forgotten to call Elliot. She had promised to let him know how things had gone, but then she'd been distracted by something far more important.

Well, she could call him later. Olivia brought the ring back to Casey and smiled as she slid it onto her left ring finger and the ADA held it up to light. "It's beautiful," Casey said softly before looking back at the detective. "Just like you."

"I'm as pretty as a diamond? Well, I'm flattered."

"Aren't you going to repay the compliment?" Casey asked as she sat up and kissed her.

Olivia smiled slightly. "Of course- I'm only pretty because I've got some of you inside of me." She gestured at the scar on her stomach from the liver transplant before kissing her back. "My life-saving girlfriend."

"No, your life-saving fiancée... I love how that sounds," Casey said softly, leaning her forehead against Olivia's.

"So do I," she agreed. "My fiancée. Which do you think sounds better, Olivia Novak or Casey Benson? I kind of like Olivia Novak."

Casey chuckled and said, "Really? But I like Casey Benson."

They both laughed for a moment before Olivia decided upon a solution. "What about you be Casey Benson-Novak, and I be Olivia Novak-Benson? That way, we both get what we want- plus, that means we get to keep our last names for work, and don't have to deal with months of people calling us by the wrong names."

"Yeah," Casey said after a short pause. "Yeah, I like the sound of that- Casey Benson-Novak and Olivia Novak-Benson... but wait! What if we have kids? What'll their last names be?"

"Well... how about if it's a boy, it's Novak-Benson, and if it's a girl, it's Benson-Novak?"

"Yeah... yeah, that could work- hey, when we were in the hospital, and you were asking me about having kids, was that because... you want to have some soon?"

Olivia shrugged and they both sat up. "Actually, yes. I was- I do want to have kids soon, if that's all right with you." To her surprise, Casey bit her lip and pulled her knees up to her chest, staring at a spot on the wall. "Case?" she asked in confusion. "I thought you said you wanted kids?"

"Well, I did, and I wasn't lying when I said it, but... well, then I got to thinking... I don't want to be the one to carry the baby. I know, you have to more dangerous job, and it's going to mean that you'll be stuck on desk duty and for a while and all that, but... well, I miscarried Olivia, and I... I don't want to miscarry our child, too."

Olivia frowned in momentary confusion. "Um, you miscarried... Olivia?"

"Oh," Casey said with an embarrassed smile. "I, um... she was a girl, and I was going to name her after you. Then I miscarried, and..."

Shaking her head, Olivia wrapped her arm around her fiancée and murmured against her neck, "Casey, it wasn't your fault. How could it be? Your students were telling you it was your fault every single day. Of course it stressed you out. And you were in fear for your life every second; no one could expect you to just be calm about it. Just because you miscarried then doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you or that it's your fault."

Casey sighed. "Liv... I'm scared to carry a baby. I don't want to miscarry again."

"You won't. I'll be with you every step of the way and we'll take every precaution. I promise, we'll make perfectly healthy little Novak-Bensons... just what the world needs."

The ADA hesitated for another moment before she said, "I... all right, Olivia. I'll carry the baby. But we still have the issue of who the father will be."

Olivia shrugged and grinned. "Well... we can always ask Elliot. He's fathered five healthy kids so far- pretty good record."

"Elliot it is," Casey said before kissing her again.

SVUSVUSVU

Elliot stared at the two women in complete shock. They both nodded eagerly, holding each others hands and smiling at him, trying to make it seem like they weren't asking a big deal. "Let me get this straight," he said slowly. "You want me to father your baby. A little Benson-Novak baby. Oh, god. I'm terrified just thinking about it."

"Well," Casey said lightly trying to convince him, "_Technically_, it'd be a little Stabler-Novak baby, is that better? Please, Elliot? Come on, you don't want to make your two favorite women trek _all the way_ over to a sperm bank and spend our time searching for the perfect donor when he have such a great specimen right here!"

"Oh no. Oh, no, no," he chuckled, shaking his head. "No, flattery is not going to make me do this, Casey."

"Are you sure?" Olivia asked sweetly. "Because I think a baby boy with your strong, thick muscles would be beautiful." She winked at him seductively while Casey picked up where she had left off.

"Or a baby girl with your gorgeous blue eyes? Adorable! God, Olivia, can you imagine if we had both a boy _and_ a girl? I think I'd just die!"

Elliot just rolled his eyes as the women continued to flatter him. He had to admit, it was nice, but not enough to convince him to do anything.

When Casey commented on her baby boy could inherit his talents for pleasuring women and Olivia coughed to hide a laugh, he exclaimed, "That's enough! That is _enough!_ If you're going to be nice to me, then at least do it convincingly. And anyway, compliments are not going to convince me to do this."

"Yeah... yeah, we know. But will you at least think about it? I mean, it's not like Casey and I can make a baby by ourselves. Besides the squad, all our friends are female, and we just haven't known the others for as long as we've known you."

Casey nodded in agreement as she clasped her fiancée's hand and squeezed it. "If you don't want to, Liv and I can find some other way, but you are our first choice."

Elliot sighed and bit his lip, mulling it over. He already had five kids, did he really want a sixth one? This would be Olivia and Casey's kid, of course- he probably wouldn't be more than an uncle in the kid's life. He wouldn't be completely responsible for taking care of the baby- it really wouldn't be that big of a deal. Whether he was the father or not, he would still know the kid's real parents and still be involved in the baby's life- this way, Casey and Olivia would use a source they trusted instead of someone they had never even met.

Finally, he nodded and said, "I'll do it."

Please review


	8. Chapter 8

It appears I let my impatience write this chapter. I guess I wanted babies as much as my Gone's reviewers did. I know I've rushed this entire sequel, but I feel horrible about leaving my Kaleido Star people hanging with my cliffhanger and I want to give them some love- so, this is the final chapter! Don't worry, I'm not abandoning you guys completely. I've got two CO fics in the works, and this series has the perfect ending for many oneshots in the future!

**Chapter 8**

Things were being timed out perfectly. They had gone to the doctor's last week, and if Casey had conceived, then she would give birth in nine months- two weeks before their wedding.

But Casey wasn't thinking about that right now. Olivia was at her doctor's appointment for the liver transplant, but Casey had been unable to go with her because of _her_ meeting with her tax guy. And when she had been climbing out of the taxi in front of her apartment building, some bastard had shoved her out of the way, which had caused a flashback. And Casey had developed her method for dealing with those- heat was her thing, she used it to hold herself to reality. She'd always rest one hand on the back of her neck and focus on the radiating heat, and would place the other on top of her stomach, to make sure she was breathing right. It wasn't really the _flashback_ that had upset her- it was the fact that she still had them. Her previous happiness had vanished completely in her rush to get home, into the kitchen, towards the knives.

And now she was holding it above her arm, her hands shaking violently, struggling to decide what to do.

She had promised Olivia she wouldn't do this anymore. Casey had sworn that she would stop this.

No, no, she had promised to _try_. That was very different. And besides, it would make her feel better. It would make her stop shaking and crying and make the pain go away.

Suddenly, she stopped. Wait, what was she saying? Cutting never made her feel better. Afterwards, she would sink to the floor and often start sobbing. It never made her feel better, it never even distracted her from her original reason to be upset. It always made things worse- but that voice in the back of her head just wouldn't shut up.

_It does make you feel better, it DOES! Just imagine how beautiful that cold steel would look coated with your warm blood, how nice it would be to see the red all over your scarlet skin, it would calm you down and make you feel better. It always does!_

Casey shook her head furiously and gripped the knife tighter. "No," she muttered aloud, "no, no, it doesn't. It never makes me feel better. Shut up!"

The voice was getting madder. _Casey! You had a flashback; that means you need to take more precautions so you don't react like that. Get less sleep and don't let yourself react like that and hurt yourself to keep yourself disciplined. And it makes you feel better, a win win! Do it, Casey! _

Her mind was flooded with images- oh, sweet, perfect, amazing images of that knife in her arm, the blood spilling out and comforting her, but she fought against them. They were lies. They weren't true.

Nevertheless, Casey slowly lowered the knife until the cold blade was resting against her arm. It's touch made her shiver and she flinched back from it, then steadied herself and prepared to slice through her flesh again as the voice telling her it would feel good won out.

_No, Casey! Don't do it! You promised Olivia- your FIANCEE',, the woman who you're going to have kids with! Remember her? She doesn't want you to do this! Don't do it! Don't!_

Gritting to her teeth and pulling a jagged breath, Casey gripped the knife tighter for a moment, then raised it to bring it down on her arm, but, instead, she flung it against the wall and gasped, "No!"

She stared at the knife as it clattered to the floor, then back at her arm- though she could see many fine scars on her pale skin, there was no new cut. She hadn't done it.

Slowly, hesitantly, Casey let out a soft, triumphant laugh. When the door opened and Olivia stepped inside, Casey turned to face her, a broad smile pulling at her lips. "So, it turns out, I-" the detective began, but was interrupted by Casey wrapping her arms tightly around her and pulling her close.

"Oh, god, thank you so much," Casey gasped, smothering her with kisses before hugging her tightly again.

"Casey?" Olivia asked in surprise, looking her girlfriend over carefully. "What's going on?"

The ADA smiled again and shook her head. "You just made me the happiest woman on earth... again," she muttered as she buried her head in the detective's shoulder.

"Um... I don't think I did anything, but I'll take what I can get," Olivia chuckled before stepping back and examining her girlfriend again. "Casey, what happened?"

Casey laughed, unable to keep her smile off her face. She led Olivia into further inside and picked up the discarded knife on the ground. Olivia frowned when she saw it, growing more confused when the ADA set it down on the counter and held out her arms proudly. "Um... Case?"

"I... I was on my way home when some guy shoved me out of the way. It caused a, um... a flashback. And when I got home, I started to- I was- I was going to cut myself." She saw Olivia's face flood with anger and disappointment, so she hurried to continue before the detective jumped to conclusions, "Wait, Liv, I didn't! I didn't cut myself. I stopped. I was going to, and it was so god damn hard, but- I was thinking about you, and how you wouldn't want me to do it, and... I didn't. I didn't, Liv." She smiled again and pulled her into a tight embrace, kissing her over and over again, literally unable to keep her hands off her. "I love you, Olivia," she muttered against the brunette's shoulder. "So much..."

Olivia looked down at the figure in her arms for a moment before wrapping her arms around her and kissing her back. "Oh, god, Case. I'm so proud of you," she gasped. "I love you. I love you so much."

Neither woman thought this was a sign that Casey was completely recovered, that now it was just a skip and hop to everything being normal again, but she had taken a step forward, a step Olivia had been trying to help her through for months. As Olivia kissed her over and over again, she still couldn't wrap her mind around the fact that this amazing woman was _hers_. That her woman had been strong enough to finally take this step, and that Olivia had been lucky enough to somehow be loved by her.

SVUSVUSVU

The squad was on speaker phone. Casey and Olivia were in their bedroom, holding each other tightly, waiting for that god damn timer to beep. This was it. Pregnancy test time. They'd waited the agonizingly long, yet obligatory week and a half to take the test, now they had to wait five minutes to see if it was positive or negative.

Those five long minutes seemed both longer than an eternity and shorter than a second. One moment, they were holding each other tightly for what felt like forever, the next, Casey was pacing back and forth, god, how could it have only been one minute? Four more to go. Then she was sitting next to Olivia again, unable to keep still, glaring at the annoying little plastic timer as if she could scare it until working faster. Normally, Olivia would have teased Casey for it, but she was just as nervous as her fiancée.

When the timer finally beeped, both women rushed towards the counter, then stopped, unable to take the one more step necessary to see whether Casey had a baby inside her or not. They looked at each other, then clasped each other's hands and stepped forward, looking down at the test.

Olivia stared at it in shock while Casey screamed and jumped back. "Oh my god!" she gasped, while the stunned detective looked between the pregnancy test and her fiancée.

Her _pregnant_ fiancée.

"Oh... oh my god!" Olivia exclaimed, echoing Casey's statement as she stepped forward, placing her hands on Casey's stomach and staring at her in amazement. "There's a kid in there! There's a little us in there!"

Elliot, who couldn't tell what they were saying over the phone, shouted, "Casey? Olivia? What's going on?"

Jumping up and down, the excited couple rushed back over to the phone and the ADA cried into it, "Congratulations, Elliot! You fathered a little Novak-Benson kid!"

There was silence over the phone, followed by a chorus of laughter. "He fainted!" Munch gasped into the phone. "Casey, your first choice for a father fainted! ...oh, god. Stabler's got six kids. This world's going to hell."

Falling apart in laughter, Casey and Olivia rolled around on their bed together, the detective tickling the ADA's stomach as she tried frantically to escape through tears of laughter.

They were going to start a family together.

**Nine Months Later (oh, Hikura, you lazy author)**

If you asked the detectives how their very pregnant ADA was doing, their answer would depend on the day. Once in a blue moon, Casey would be radiant, and if they asked her to drive across town to get them a cup of coffee, she'd do so with a wink and a smile.

But, that was still once in a blue moon. 99 percent of the time, she was irritable, subject to wild mood swings and craving, and if you asked her the wrong thing at the wrong time, she would quite literally bite her head off. Not even Olivia could soothe her fiancée; everybody just had to wait out her furious rants.

Casey was due in two weeks, and this was her last case before maternity leave, even though all the detectives had told her she should have been at home making Olivia miserable, for the past month. But, stubborn as ever, Casey had refused.

"I can carry my own god damn briefcase!" Casey practically shouted at Elliot as she grabbed it from his hand and stormed off towards the interrogation room as quickly as she could with her enlarged stomach. "I swear to god, if I didn't want my baby to be born in prison, I would kill you right here and now!" she snapped before slamming open the door and sitting with difficulty across from the suspect and his defense attorney, Trevor Langan.

Both looked at Casey and tried to hide their looks of amusement as poor Elliot walked in meekly after her, shaking his head- they had all learned that it was best to let Casey yell at them while she was pregnant, because trying to say anything during her rants often resulted in even longer rants.

Casey briefly glanced at the file before raising her withering glare to Langan's client as she snapped, "Okay, Mr. Clark, I am going to give you one chance to confess and one chance only, in return for a reduced sentence. But when I walk out that door, this deal goes with me."

"I think you mean 'waddle out that door'," Trevor muttered under his breath, and Casey was quite literally about to explode when he continued, "Casey, how about you offer us a real deal? You know, one that any half-assed defense attorney would actually accept?"

Casey was about to reply, which would probably consist of her hitting him in the head with her briefcase, when she suddenly stopped, her face going blank with shock. "Oh what a son of a mother of fu- _god damn it!_" she gasped, leaning over and clutching her stomach. "The one day I could get away with a justifiable if I killed this prick," she gasped once she had her breath back, "I have to go into _labor!_"

Trevor just smirked and rolled his eyes as Elliot hurried forward, helping Casey out of her chair. "Okay, Case," he said, leading her towards the door. "Olivia's here, she and I will drive you to the hospital, and everything will be fine, okay?"

"_Fine?_" she screamed at him. "_Fine?_ No, everything will not be fine! In a couple hours, I'll be trying to squeeze a watermelon out through a lemon, screaming that I'm going to kill anyone and everyone- is that your definition of _fine?_"

"Oh, dear god, please let the Casey we all know and love return soon," Elliot muttered under his breath as his partner hurried up beside Casey, leading them out towards the car.

"It's time?" she gasped excitably.

"It better be, because I am sure as hell not waiting another two weeks to do this for real!" Casey panted as Olivia grabbed her hand and squeezed tightly. Once the two women were in a squad car, Elliot shut Casey's door as Olivia turned on the sirens and began driving off while the rest of SVU hurried after them, intending on following them to the hospital.

SVUSVUSVU

The entire squad was gathered in Casey's hospital room, waiting for her contractions to get close enough together for her to give birth. It had been five hours already, and Casey had already sworn to marry the creator of painkillers and epidurals at least twenty times. When it got closer to the time, everybody would leave except for Olivia. Elliot had gotten closer to fleeing already, as Casey had promised to kill him for doing this to her as soon as she had given birth to her baby boy or girl- she and Olivia hadn't wanted to know the sex.

"Oh, god," Casey gasped, squeezing her eyes shut as yet another contraction came, quicker than before. Olivia grasped her hand while Elliot glanced at his watch and smiled at the expectant couple.

"Well, I've been in this situation four times now, and so I think I know what I'm talking about when I say her contractions are thirty seconds apart, it's time for us men to leave the room," he said, winking at the two women.

He didn't have to say it twice, the squad was already on their way out the door, telling Casey good luck and that they'd see her in a bit. Casey had smiled weakly at them before muttering a string of curses under her breath as Elliot sent the doctor into the room, with several nurses on his tail.

After examining her, he looked up at her and said, "Okay, Casey, I need you to take a deep breath and push on three."

"Olivia," Casey moaned, rolling her head over to look at the detective, "I don't think I can do this."

"Come on, Case," Olivia begged her as she ran her hand over her sweaty forehead. "Yes you can. Yes you can. I'm right here with you. Come on, bring our little Novak-Benson into world. Come on, Case."

Casey pushed and screamed, gripping Olivia's hand so tightly the detective nearly felt her fingers break. Finally, she went limp, and panted, "I don't care if you didn't do this to me, this was still your idea! I am going to kill you, Liv!"

"Oh, you know you love me, Case," Olivia said, grinning at her before glancing back at the doctor. "Come on, Case. You can do it. You can do it, I know you can. Come on. Push, Casey!"

To Casey, it felt like hours until the doctor finally told her, "All right, Casey, last one! I need you to push again, and then you'll be done."

"But that's what he said last time!" The ADA shouted, looking back at Olivia again, both women with tears in their eyes.

Olivia nodded as she said, "Come on, Casey! One more. One more, please, for me- please?"

Casey screamed again, her normally pale face red as she finally pushed their baby out into the world. The doctor looked up at them with a smile and said, "It's a girl!"

Casey and Olivia couldn't hold back their smiles as the detective embraced her fiancée tightly. "You did it, Casey! You did it!"

Casey hugged her back as one of the nurses handed Olivia a pair of scissors and asked her if she would like to cut the umbilical cord. Olivia just kissed Casey before taking the scissors and cutting the cord.

When Casey was finally handed their daughter, SVU filed into the hospital room to greet the newest addition to their squad. Casey and Olivia had chosen two names, one if it was a boy, one if it was a girl. As Olivia held her family tightly, Casey kissed their daughter's forehead and murmured, "Welcome to the world, Janie Olivia Benson-Novak."

"Oh, god," Elliot said, grinning at them and shaking his head. "Three female Novak-Bensons? If we thought the world was going to hell before..."

"Yep!" Olivia exclaimed, nodding proudly. "Our daughter is just what we Casey and I have always needed to take over the world. Janie, Casey and I are going to drive you all crazy, and you are going to love it."

"Yes, we are," Munch admitted. "Now I've got a little Munchkin to-"

"Oh no," Casey laughed, "you are not nicknaming Janie 'Munchkin'! I won't do that to her!"

They all chuckled at the new family, but, despite Casey's protests, Munch's nickname stuck. Among the squad, Janie would always be known as the Munchkin.

A/N: (ooh, I finally labeled it as an author's note!) I pray to god my classmate never reads this and finds out I named the Munchkin after her. Well, this it it, you guys- except for oneshots concerning our newest little squad member Janie! El finis, and don't forget to please please please review!


End file.
